Funny user trouble reports

Answered Question
Jan 20th, 2012

Hello all,

I don't know why, but the trouble report I got yesterday just struck

me as being pretty humorous and I thought others might have some

similar user reporting that might brighten our day

Being a Voice guy I thought this was pretty sweet!

Good morning Rob,

I've received a complaint from xxxx xxxxxx that when  he picks up his phone's receiver, sometimes the call isn't
picked up. Maybe  the little "hanger upper" thingy is sticking ... not sure.

Anyway you can  swing by at some point and check it out?

Much  appreciated,

Thanks,
Please add some more here that struck your funny bone the same way this did mine

Cheers!

Huff

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I have this problem too.
0 votes
Correct Answer by burleyman about 1 year 11 months ago

Well on the line of Network Team is responsible for everything. I got a ticket the other day sent to the network infrastructure group that said, I missed a very important meeting because the clock on the wall had stopped, batteries died, can we get this resolved as soon as possible. Well lets see where do I begin...don't use a meeting appointment in Outlook where your laptop uses NTP to sync its time to milliseconds...nooooo, lets use a battery operated clock that is just there for show and maybe cost $5. Oh lets not forget the help-desk that sent it sits right under that clock and keeps batteries on hand for other things and just needed to stand up and change the batteries. So I went over made people move got the clock down and asked the person who sent the ticket over, who I made move, do you have a battery and they said sure here you go...still did not dawn on them....oh I could have done that. Oh have to run I just got an SNMP trap that the bathroom toilet paper is low..have to run.

Mike

Correct Answer by darren.g about 1 year 11 months ago

Oh, the best one I had when I started at my current $POE came in like this

"Dear Helpdesk

Can you pleas install the Macquarie Online Dictionary on my new PC

Thank you"

Note the ONLINE word in the request. Accessing it is as simple as typing in a URL to a web browser and entering subscription login details.

God, I love users who do things by rote - I like to play with their heads by re-arranging their desktop icons - they panic when they can't find Micro$oft LookOut in its usual place!

:-)

Correct Answer by Leo Laohoo about 2 years 1 week ago

Don't drink and drive ...

NOTE:  I'd be jealous if Mike or George has this in their office.  Bl00dy oath!

Correct Answer by darren.g about 2 years 2 months ago

leolaohoo wrote:

Mind you, our standard image has not one, but *4* different browsers[1] installed, to allow for the varied demands of our remote users - so I'm not sure what part of "http://www.macquarieonline.com.au/" needed installing.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.macquarieonline.com.au%2F

I prefer another referrral page, but the filtering here won't let me post the URL, I suspect. I'll try anyway.

http://www.justfuckinggoogleit.com/

You can embed searches, but it doesn't work as well as lmgtfy - but it gets the message across anyway.

Apologies if this actually works, and offends someone/breaks the rules somehow. I won't complain if a moderator removes/modifies it.

Correct Answer by Leo Laohoo about 2 years 2 months ago

Got a call yesterday (31 January 2012) by the field tech.  Converstation went like this:

Tech:  Hey Leo, I'm here at because the users were complaining about a loud beeping sound.  I checked and it's coming from your switch.

Me:  My switch?

T:  Yes.  A Cisco 2960S.

M:  My switch?  You certain?

T:  Yes.  It's got to be the switch.  There's nothing here that draws power and your switch is the only one plugged to the power source.

*** At this stage, I was fairly confused/amused.  I'm very, very sure Cisco DID NOT install a speaker inside a Catalyst switch.

M:  Can I ask if you pull the power of the switch?

T:   You want me to power down the switch?  Why?

M:  I am certain it ain't our switch that beeps.  I'm also certain Cisco appliance won't beep.

T:  OK.

***  SILENCE ***

T:  Uh ... You're not going to believe this ...

M:  Huh?

T:  It's still beeping.

M:  SO where is the noise coming from?

*** SILENCE ***

T:  It's coming from the power outlet.

M:  Oh.  Ok.  Can I ask you do two things for me?

T:  Sure.  What?

M:  One, can you please power up my switch?

T:  Ok.  Done.  And the next?

M:  Evacuate the building.

*** Hanged up the call.  ***

Correct Answer by kadams@gbrx.com about 2 years 2 months ago

Hey all.

I had a user call in about how "SLOW" his internet was.  I asked him for his IP address and they had remote access on their machine and I connected to the PC.  Once connected, I noticed had about 20 porn windows up and the streaming was running kind of slow.

Yes a user called in due to his porn, at work, was running slow.    Had to contact his manager to check on the employee's work at his desk.

Have a good day and have fun.

Cheers.

Kimberly

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Average Rating: 5 (48 ratings)
burleyman Fri, 01/20/2012 - 12:43

Rob,

Looks like we found Cisco's next certification.

CCHP - Cisco Certified "Hanger-Upper-Thingy-Checker" Professional....so I guess you are CCHP #0001

But the big question....will they allow this to be a re-cert option for your professional level certs.

Cheers!

Mike "COCG" Burley

Rob Huffman Fri, 01/20/2012 - 12:48

Hey COCG "Mr.Mike",

Hope all is well my friend!

This will certainly recertify my CCCN - Cisco Certified Cat Napper status

So now I'm offically a CCHP & CCCN ....sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Cheers!

Huff

Correct Answer
kadams@gbrx.com Tue, 01/31/2012 - 10:23

Hey all.

I had a user call in about how "SLOW" his internet was.  I asked him for his IP address and they had remote access on their machine and I connected to the PC.  Once connected, I noticed had about 20 porn windows up and the streaming was running kind of slow.

Yes a user called in due to his porn, at work, was running slow.    Had to contact his manager to check on the employee's work at his desk.

Have a good day and have fun.

Cheers.

Kimberly

Rob Huffman Tue, 01/31/2012 - 12:18

Hey Kimberly,

Long time my friend!

This is one of these "DOH!" moments I would think.Hahahahahaha!

Cheers!

Huff

kadams@gbrx.com Tue, 01/31/2012 - 12:21

Hey Huff,

Yes it has been a long time, but I am back around here.  I missed you guys and couldn't stay away for too long!

The user was totally stunned that this was not work place appropiate, but thought was and what are you going to do at work watching this kind of stuff?

Keep that at home not at work.

Cheers!

Kimberly

Correct Answer
Leo Laohoo Tue, 01/31/2012 - 13:10

Got a call yesterday (31 January 2012) by the field tech.  Converstation went like this:

Tech:  Hey Leo, I'm here at because the users were complaining about a loud beeping sound.  I checked and it's coming from your switch.

Me:  My switch?

T:  Yes.  A Cisco 2960S.

M:  My switch?  You certain?

T:  Yes.  It's got to be the switch.  There's nothing here that draws power and your switch is the only one plugged to the power source.

*** At this stage, I was fairly confused/amused.  I'm very, very sure Cisco DID NOT install a speaker inside a Catalyst switch.

M:  Can I ask if you pull the power of the switch?

T:   You want me to power down the switch?  Why?

M:  I am certain it ain't our switch that beeps.  I'm also certain Cisco appliance won't beep.

T:  OK.

***  SILENCE ***

T:  Uh ... You're not going to believe this ...

M:  Huh?

T:  It's still beeping.

M:  SO where is the noise coming from?

*** SILENCE ***

T:  It's coming from the power outlet.

M:  Oh.  Ok.  Can I ask you do two things for me?

T:  Sure.  What?

M:  One, can you please power up my switch?

T:  Ok.  Done.  And the next?

M:  Evacuate the building.

*** Hanged up the call.  ***

Leo Laohoo Wed, 02/01/2012 - 13:37

Epic fail, Darren (+5).  Epic fail!

I know someone who needs a calculator next to his HP Developer's specificiation PC so he can do budget.  Wow!

darren.g Wed, 02/01/2012 - 16:04

leolaohoo wrote:

Epic fail, Darren (+5).  Epic fail!

I know someone who needs a calculator next to his HP Developer's specificiation PC so he can do budget.  Wow!

Because Windows doesn;t have an advanced enough calculator for him, right? :-)

Someone forget to show him how to switch it to "scientific' mode? (Wow, the Windows 7 one is even better! Never looked beyond the basic one before!)

Correct Answer
darren.g Wed, 02/01/2012 - 20:14

leolaohoo wrote:

Mind you, our standard image has not one, but *4* different browsers[1] installed, to allow for the varied demands of our remote users - so I'm not sure what part of "http://www.macquarieonline.com.au/" needed installing.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.macquarieonline.com.au%2F

I prefer another referrral page, but the filtering here won't let me post the URL, I suspect. I'll try anyway.

http://www.justfuckinggoogleit.com/

You can embed searches, but it doesn't work as well as lmgtfy - but it gets the message across anyway.

Apologies if this actually works, and offends someone/breaks the rules somehow. I won't complain if a moderator removes/modifies it.

kadams@gbrx.com Tue, 02/07/2012 - 09:41

Darren and Leo,

I just love the url's for the users.  That is just awesome!!!  + 5 for both of you and for making me laugh!

Cheers,

Kimberly

darren.g Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:06

This is a true story. Only the names of the idiots have been obfuscated to protect me in case my boss finds out. :-)

I received a trouble ticket in our helpdesk system recently.

Some background : Our company has a number of remote workers connected to internal resources by a private MPLS network over ADSL. The user concerned is one of our "node" users, and had managed to completely ruin (as in make unbootable) her company supplied PC by getting it so infected with virus' and trojans I couldn't get rid of them.

To save time, and let her get back to work as quckly as possibly, I just configured a new PC per standard image and sent it to her, with picture instructions on how to plug it in and get back online.

Couple of days later, I get the ticket mentioned above. It reads as follows

"Please install online Macquarie Dictionary on my new PC as I need it to check parts of my work".

Mind you, our standard image has not one, but *4* different browsers[1] installed, to allow for the varied demands of our remote users - so I'm not sure what part of "http://www.macquarieonline.com.au/" needed installing.

Far out!

[1] Internet Exploder, Firefox, Chrome & Safari

Rob Huffman Fri, 03/16/2012 - 05:32

Hey Folks,

Here's my latest.....(nobody wants a "Hinky" phone do they )

Hi Rob,

Something is hinky with my phone here, and neither Brenda nor i can figure out what it is.  There's either no dial tone-- or a dial tone that just don't quit!  are you able to check things out on xxxx from your end there?

Thanks!

Cheers!

Huff

Rob Huffman Fri, 03/16/2012 - 10:02

Two in one day

Hi Rob,

We have a conference call happening in room xxx on Tuesday March 20th from 4pm - 5pm.

Can you assist in the setup of the conference call phone hub thingy?  (That's the technical term if you were wondering)...  I am not sure if it is always in ready to go mode, but let me know if I need to do anything else.

Let me know if you need anything else.

Thanks Rob

Cheers!

Huff

kadams@gbrx.com Fri, 03/16/2012 - 10:35

Hey Huff,

Yeah you got to love the user questions. 

I was working in a Tier2/3 call center and one of the client's called asking about their network and poorly it was put together.  I asked him, why do you think it is poorly put together?  His response was, "My 16 year old son said it was!"

Nice and thank you so much.

Cheers!

Kimberly

kadams@gbrx.com Fri, 03/16/2012 - 11:37

I remember another call I received from one of my field engineers from a site and the conversation went like this:

Field Engineer:  "We suspect the router may have some water damage."

Me:  I thought, why is there water residue on it?  But insted asked him, "Why do you suspect there is water damage on the router?"

Field Engineer:  "Because there is water dripping into and out of the router."

Me:  "Right now?"

Field Engineer:  "Yes, because there is a big hole in the roof."

Me:  "Well, ok then."

We had to ship a replacement router to the site to bring them back on line once the roof was fixed.

Cheers!

Kimberly

darren.g Sun, 03/18/2012 - 20:03

Kimberly Adams wrote:

I remember another call I received from one of my field engineers from a site and the conversation went like this:

Field Engineer:  "We suspect the router may have some water damage."

Me:  I thought, why is there water residue on it?  But insted asked him, "Why do you suspect there is water damage on the router?"

Field Engineer:  "Because there is water dripping into and out of the router."

Me:  "Right now?"

Field Engineer:  "Yes, because there is a big hole in the roof."

Me:  "Well, ok then."

We had to ship a replacement router to the site to bring them back on line once the roof was fixed.

Cheers!

Kimberly

Well, I laughed. :-)

Water, water everywhere, and nary a drop to drink.

I worked in a place once where the roof drains were *very* badly designed. Our office was in the top floor of a 10 (or so) floor tower - and the roof drains ran straight down into the false ceiling before taking a 90-degree turn to run to the downpipes through the service cavity.

Oh, and did I mentione that the roof drains were all 6 inch pipe - and at the 90-degree turn it dropped to a 4 inch pipe?

Oh - and the 90-degree joint was *PVC*.

I got this trouble call one day saying they were experiencing a flood - being in the days of coax 10Base2 networking, I thought packet-flood - wondered if someone had somehow managed to sandwich an extra workstation into a segment I didn't know about which was causing excessive collissions.

What they meant was a *real* flood. There had been a serious storm - something like 4 inches of rain in 30 minutes - and the downpipe *shattered* at the 90-degree joint under the load of water trying to get off the roof.

The floor was under 6 inches of water and rising.

I told 'em to throw the breaker on the server room and leave the rest to figure out once the legal case against the building owner was over and done with. :-)

Yes, it took at least 6 weeks to put the office back online.

Leo Laohoo Sun, 03/18/2012 - 20:18

Nice one.  My turn ... Not network-related.

Port Hedland, Western Australia is the gateway to all the iron ore being mined.  Unfortunately, Port Hedland is also a magnet for tropical cyclone (or hurricane).  The admin offices were in "portable" buildings.  They look like large 45 foot shipping containers.  But instead of high-corten shell, it's a thin corrugated steel with some paint.  It's that simple.

Anyway, when a typhoon approaches, the evacuation is very simple (with the blessing from the mother ship):  Evacuate, period.  This also means powering down everything that draws any current:  toasters, microwave ovens, electric fans, a/c, computer, network equipment.  Everything.

So one day they got a new regional manager.  He toured the area just as a typhoon warning came blaring into news.  So the staffs start their evacuation drill when he stopped them.

"Don't turn off the computers," he said, "`tis not going to be that strong.".

Staffs followed his instructions.  Except the typhoon didn't.  It came, it blew in, and it dumped everything it had.

When the staffs came back, they saw some of the demountables in smouldering ruins, some had the roofs ripped.  Some saw their PCs and monitors kilometres away.

But they never saw the regional manager again.

Leo Laohoo Sun, 03/18/2012 - 20:34

Got one even better ...

Causes of network issues ... See picture.

Marshmallows were clogging the ports.

Rob Huffman Wed, 04/11/2012 - 06:45

Hey Folks,

Love all the funny things in this thread (especially the "Candy" storage locker!)

Here's my most recent;

Hi Rob

So...my phone call volume is getting higher and higher.  I figure I can either start redirecting my phone line to an unsuspecting co-workers...(lol...I know, not an option) or I can look again into getting a wireless headset. 

I have my own wired headset but I keep forgetting I am wearing it and get up from my desk and start walking away and get lassoed back to my desk, very dangerous. 


Then it continues on from there ....hahahaha! I can just visualize this poor girl

getting lassoed by her "wired" headset. Needless to say we're getting her a new

cordless headset.

Cheers for now!

Huff

Correct Answer
Leo Laohoo Wed, 04/11/2012 - 15:52

Don't drink and drive ...

NOTE:  I'd be jealous if Mike or George has this in their office.  Bl00dy oath!

Rob Huffman Fri, 04/20/2012 - 07:40

Hey Leo,

I could use one of those carts as well +5

Here's my addition for this Friday;

Morning Rob,

Hope you had a great long weekend. Ronak is experiencing  issues with his phone. He says the "jibblet unit from the cord to the receiver won't stay engaged".

I hope that makes sense to you

Thanks,

I never knew that part was called a "jibblet" Hahahahahahahahaha!

Cheers!

Huff

kadams@gbrx.com Thu, 04/26/2012 - 15:24

Hey Huff!

REALLY a "JIBBLET"??????  LOL!  That is some funny stuff.  I should have some new ones soon, since I just started work at a new company. 

Cheers.

Kimberly

Correct Answer
darren.g Thu, 04/26/2012 - 21:07

Oh, the best one I had when I started at my current $POE came in like this

"Dear Helpdesk

Can you pleas install the Macquarie Online Dictionary on my new PC

Thank you"

Note the ONLINE word in the request. Accessing it is as simple as typing in a URL to a web browser and entering subscription login details.

God, I love users who do things by rote - I like to play with their heads by re-arranging their desktop icons - they panic when they can't find Micro$oft LookOut in its usual place!

:-)

Leo Laohoo Thu, 04/26/2012 - 21:25
Note the ONLINE word in the request. Accessing it is as simple as typing in a URL to a web browser and entering subscription login details.

People don't like change.

Rob Huffman Fri, 04/27/2012 - 07:07

Hey folks,

Kimberly...I'm looking forward to some more funny stories from your end Congrats

on the new job! They better treat you right or we're sending Leo after them ..hahaha!

Darren...very funny story! These things can make you crazy so you might as well enjoy them

and get a good laugh

Leo...I'm one of those people who hates change. Just ask Dan hahahaha!

Cheers!

Huff

Dan Bruhn @ CSC Rocks! :)

Leo Laohoo Sat, 04/28/2012 - 18:05
Leo...I'm one of those people who hates change. Just ask Dan

Hi Smooth Rob,

I don't like change either.  I don't like Change Management.

They better treat you right or we're sending Leo after them ..hahaha!

Congrats Kimberly on your new job.  Hope they treat you right.  If they don't come over to Australia.   We are short of contract staff in government agencies.

Leo Laohoo Sat, 04/28/2012 - 19:22
If that was me 'George' ... I only drive Hummers and Porsches...

LOL.  Yes, the comment was meant for you and Mike.

George Stefanick Sun, 04/29/2012 - 21:55

for the record, i dont want you getting girly ideas Leo... This is my Betsy... All washed up just for you Leo!

Leo Laohoo Sun, 04/29/2012 - 22:15
You must think I make Leo money to have a jacuzzi !

Nah dude.

If you make alot of money you'd have a jacuzzi AND a gym.

kadams@gbrx.com Thu, 05/03/2012 - 13:56

Thanks to Leo and Huff for the congrats!

Really liking the new job so far.  I will let you both know if they are not treating me right here. 

All you guys make me laugh my a$$ off.

George,

Only a "plain" hummer and not a "Super-Stretch" Hummer?  Dude, you were ripped off!!!!  LOL.

That is what you need!!!!!

Cheers.

Kimberly

Leo Laohoo Thu, 05/03/2012 - 14:46

If I was allowed to borrow a phrase from a fellow Aussie, Crocodile Dundee "You call that a Hummer?  That's not a Hummer.  THIS is a Hummer."

kadams@gbrx.com Thu, 05/03/2012 - 15:19

Leo,

I see you completely understand what I was going for!!!!

Thanks and Cheers!

Kimberly

George Stefanick Thu, 05/03/2012 - 18:03

LOL..

That wont fit in the garage ! Plus, who would I get to drive me around anyway ! You dont expect me to drive myself, do you ?

Leo Laohoo Thu, 05/03/2012 - 18:35
Plus, who would I get to drive me around anyway ! You dont expect me to drive myself, do you ? 

Tsk, tsk, tsk.   George, George, George.  You get your mates in the mines let you test their driverless trains.

Rio Tinto backs 'driverless' train plan

That wont fit in the garage !

If you drive something like that (with a gym and a jacuzzi) WHO NEEDS A GARAGE???  You'll be the envy on the entire county (plus the neighboring ones).

Collin_Clark Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:07

My best one of late-

A ticket was assigned to Network Operations and below was the ticket details

"User complained that his mouse has stopped working again. I have replaced the mouse two times already and it stopped working again. Must be a network issue. Assigning the ticket to them."

The best part is my boss sent our group an email asking who took care of this ticket! I told him Bob Hope from Desktop Support took care of it for us (and he didn't catch on).

darren.g Tue, 05/15/2012 - 21:45

Oh....my....GHOD!

I just had the, single, stupidest question thrown at me I've *ever* heard.

"Hey, my Excel is running slow, and so is Word, do we have problems with the Internet at the moment which could be causing it?"

Leo Laohoo Tue, 05/15/2012 - 22:28
"Hey, my Excel is running slow, and so is Word, do we have problems with the Internet at the moment which could be causing it?"

Hey Darren,

What menta1 institution are you working for again?

burleyman Wed, 05/16/2012 - 04:29

Based on the question I would say Darren works for the government.

darren.g Wed, 05/16/2012 - 16:08

burleyman wrote:

Based on the question I would say Darren works for the government.

No, if I worked for the government, I'd get paid less and be more frustrated than I am now!

:-)

darren.g Wed, 05/16/2012 - 16:06

leolaohoo wrote:

"Hey, my Excel is running slow, and so is Word, do we have problems with the Internet at the moment which could be causing it?"

Hey Darren,

What menta1 institution are you working for again?

You don't wanna know, Leo, trust me. I often say that 95% of the users at this organisation - on and off site - are as dumb as a box of rocks. But that's kinda insulting to the rocks!

But not where the CEO (who sits about 10 feet away from me) can hear me, since he's one of the box!

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