You can change the COS in Unity such that messages deleted over the phone are not removed entirely but moved to the deleted items folder. The setting you're looking at in exchange is how often it clears the "dumpster" out but fetching messages out of the Exchange dumpster is tough (you can do it using EXMerge for instance).
I'd look at changing the COS in Unity and then using the Message Store Manager to periodically clear users' deleted items folder for messages older than a few days to do what you want. You can check out the MSM's help file and training videos on it's home page here:
SIP traces provide key information in troubleshooting SIP Trunks, SIP
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